Ever wonder why when you want there to be a red light, so you can send a text, or dig through your monstrous bag looking for something, it’s always green? I have a number of these questions, which I’d like answers to. Here are others:
Why does a “regular” coffee at Dunkin’ mean three creams and two sugars? Honestly, that’s irregular to me. #creambomb
When I have the most garbage ever, and it’s spilling out of the cans, why do I forget to put it out on the street or it’s always a holiday and the schedule is all messed up?
Why do I lose all of my nice sunglasses and hair ties, but I have that one scrunchie from 20 years ago and the Dollar Tree Store sunglasses from 2010?
Why do I never learn my lesson that my children can’t eat in my bed, and then when there is a slick of ice cream on my clean sheets, I’m not only grossed out but also surprised?
Why do I always wonder if the alarm will go off when I have my phone on silent?
Why every time when I go to the dry cleaner is it closed? Also, does dry cleaning actually clean things? Seems a little dicey to me.
I just heard this quote about the definition of hell: “On your last day on earth, the person you could have become will meet the person you became.”
I saw this on the HBO docuseries, The Vow, and that creepy cult leader, Keith Raniere, told one of his followers that. It did resonate (as I imagine all of his teachings may have resonated with me, since I’m a perfect cult victim). And it is seriously one of my biggest fears: to not become what I could be. I have FOMO on my ideal self.
Psychologists say that this disparity between your actual vs. your ideal self creates something called cognitive dissonance, which is at the root of depression and anxiety. Hm. No WONDER I am anxious! Good thing I just figured out all of my issues…
Um, no. BUT, I guess it’s good to reflect on this idea of the actual vs. ideal self maybe, like, once a month? Too much? Okay, let’s be a little easier on ourselves (it is 2021, after all), and let’s observe ourselves like every six months. We can ask: Where are we now? Where do we want to be? What do we have to do to get there?
We can make Inspiration Boards (I have tried that), and we can write down our goals. However, the real work comes with action and commitment: committing to those goals and that ideal self.
We CAN get there. But, it takes a lot of work and sacrifice–sacrificing the moment and immediate gratification.
I remember in college I went through a serious bout of depression. I had just broken up with my first real love, and I was a shell of a human. I didn’t eat, I didn’t sleep, and I had irrational fears, like I may launch myself into the subway tracks (even though I would never want to do that). I know that’s crazy. Don’t judge! I’m being vulnerable here! I got over it, but a lot of my depression then was that I had lost myself and was not the person I wanted to be. The ideal me was very far from the actual me.
Now, I feel good about myself, but I’m a work in progress and not my ideal. We all are, I think. I do believe if I were to meet my ideal self, I might be a little jelly and want to be her. I have to figure out how to get there, but it’s going to take some work.
I hope I have it in me.
Going to write down what I want to achieve to me the ideal me…so I can avoid that definition of hell!
Everyone is talking about forgiveness and self-love today as we enter a new year. I hate when people say, “I heard this on NPR,” but I did, in fact, hear it on NPR– a conversation about forgiveness this morning. Essentially, two of the guests agreed that we have to forgive, even is no apology is made or elicited, to stop the stress cycle and allow us to heal and progress. There was a reference to looking forward and living with “forwardness.” I did always like that quote about if you live in the rearview mirror, you’ll soon be going that way. Don’t ask me who said it, because it was actually a fortune cookie message I received and have since pasted to my refrigerator to remind myself to live in the present.
I often have to remind myself of this. In fact, I wear this ring. See the inscription? “Live in the Here and Now.” My niece got it for me. I am terrible at doing this.
So back to forgiveness… By forgiving, you’re embracing peace, love and joy. You are helping your body to de-stress and stop producing cortisol (this was the scientific reasoning for forgiveness). And, you’re giving your mind a break, a chance to rest.
I do think I’m forgiving, but like what is not forgivable, I wonder? I mean, I think murder would be one. I couldn’t get over that. I could probs forgive cheating and lying, if it came with some level of contrition. What else? Um…I’d forgive stealing and hurting my feelings occasionally (not all the time). I’d be super bummed if you lit my house on fire.
I can’t really think of other things right now. Currently, I have forgiven most everyone I know for any wrongs I perceived or experienced. It feels good. Sometimes, I look backwards and feel those pangs of hurt and resentment, because, well, I’m human. And I get angry. And then swallow that anger, and it just manifests itself in heinous ways, like anxiety. YAY!
Forgiveness gives you your power back. Don’t be a victim. Try to empathize with the offender. When someone is mean to my children, I tell them, “Well, maybe feel sorry for him/her, because they are obviously hurting and sad inside to treat you this way.”
“Hurt people hurt people.” That’s a good quote.
How do you know if someone is hurt when you meet them though? How many chances do you give them?
You know that song, My Favorite Things that Julie Andrews sang? (I sang it at my first audition in fifth grade…I thought I was good but only got the nonspeaking role of “Peablossom” in Midsummer Night’s Dream...guess I sucked it). Anyway, I decided I’d like to share some of my favorite things these days, maybe to inspire you to try them!
1. SHIZZLES. I can’t think of one thing!
I think I’m depressed. Well, no, it’s like a post-war malaise or something where this surge in COVID is legit taking an emo and physical toll. Physically, because I just wolfed down a Twix ice cream bar (so not in the diet–oh wait, I’m not on one); and mentally, because I feel sort of dulled. I tried to sharpen up and read a book on my Kindle, and I did some Words With Friends. This is also why I have not written my blog, or worked on my novel, in like a month! I am dead inside!!!
Well, that’s not true.
BUT, okay, so here are some of my favorite things lately:
1. TV. Yeah, I’m sorry for all y’all that extol the virtues of not owning a TV and not paying for cable (even though we know you stream…be honest!), because it’s legit fun to binge watch shows on Netflix, like The Fall (watching now,) or on HBO (TheUndoing). I also still enjoy Housewives of NYC and Salt Lake City and OC. It’s like these people are my friends now that I don’t see other friends as often. #bravotv #netflix #cable #HBO
2. “Yasou” Greek salad dressing. I make a lot of salads. And I’m Greek. To my dismay, I think this salad dressing is the most I do with my Grecian heritage. I thought to join the Greek church here, and I went with good intentions, but I can’t speak Greek! I can, however, say “Yasou!” which means, “Hello!” in Greek. Maybe I can bring the dressing with me to church. #yasou #greek
3. Spotify. I basically crank music daily and the best part is that you can purchase a subscription and play whatever song you want whenever. It’s like having your own jukebox. I love me a good jukebox. My fave songs to play are Sweet Thing, by Van Morrison, One, by U2, and She Wouldn’t Be Gone, by Blake Shelton. #Spotify
4. Work. Yeah, I know that sounds basically cray, but at least it’s something to DO besides focus on myself, my kids and ruminating about things we can’t plan! “Make a plan, and God will change it for you,” is a quote I just heard on Real Housewives, actually. LOL Honestly? That fact that I am quoting from Bravo, instead of like Darwin or Plato, is kinda rotten–well, and funny at the same time. But, it’s good to have a sense of purpose and to get a paycheck after my summer off and my dwindling bank account. Oh, and RIP to my “Preferred” banking status at Bank of America. Apparently, I am officially too poor to maintain that privilege, since I kept withdrawing and not depositing for months. Whatevs. I never ASKED to join that club, m’kay, BOA? Ya’ shut it!
5. Coffee and Wine. Not together, but like as bookends to my days. Maybe I should mix them together and see if the day is all a hot mess and turned upside down! Or, maybe that is just another word for —“a problem.”
Well, what are your favorite things???? Please share!
Life is hard. I hard that in a podcast yesterday, referencing the first sentence in Dr. M. Scott Peck’s bestselling book The Road Less Traveled. He said it’s important to reinforce that idea these days when we all think we need to be happy or we are doing this life thing all wrong.
That’s simply not true.
Sometimes, for maybe a day, or maybe a few years, we won’t be happy, because LIFE IS HARD, and things come up (a pandemic, a breakup, hating a job), but it doesn’t mean it won’t get better, or that you’re doing something wrong. It is just another piece to this big puzzle, and it is mercurial and evolving. Being happy is not somethings we can always maintain, despite our wishes for “a happy pill!”
I thought about that this morning when I went to let the dogs out early, and it was kind of rainy and damp, and I felt a sadness wash over me. I then thought back to yesterday, when I was at peace on a walk, and feeling so optimistic, because it was a beautiful and warm sunny day on the ocean (oh, and a vaccine may be coming and the election is over…sort of). It struck me how nothing had really changed since yesterday, so I thought I should shift my feeling to being happy. Ya know, ‘cuz it’s that easy!
But I did not. I decided to sit with my feelings and to accept them for what they were. Because life is hard, and we can’t expect so much! We may have to just let things be and ride the wave without impressing our own harsh judgments.
Easier said than done, I know. But something to consider, nonetheless. Remind yourself that the end game is to survive and enjoy MOST, but not all, of the ride. If we didn’t know sadness, we would not know joy!